Once upon a time in Fibula Castle lived Princess Crystal. On Thursday morning in the east tower she asked her long-suffering maid Susanna “Is he here yet?”

Susanna looked out of the narrow slit window for the eighth time that morning.

“No, Your Highness.”

Princess Crystal flopped onto the pile of satin cushions and re-read the message on her iPhone while absent mindedly stroking her miniature poodle FiFi.

Suddenly Susanna shouted “He’s coming, he’s coming.”

“Get out of my way.” Shoving Susanna aside, Princess Crystal on silken slippered tiptoes leant out of the window. “I can’t see him.” she wailed. “All I can see is an elephant covered in flowers and bells with a golden seat balanced on the top.”

“Yes, that’s him.” Susanna nodded her head vigorously.

“Oh do stop nodding, you look like one of those dogs on the dashboard of Papa’s BMW.”

“Isn’t he handsome Your Highness? Just like his photo on knights-in-shiningarmour.com. So romantic.”

“In his photo he’s got a moustache and smouldering eyes. Look.” The Princess thrust out her pink glitter-backed iPhone. “I don’t call an elephant a discreet get-away vehicle. Does he really think I’m going to climb up on that beast in this outfit?”

“Well, there’s Pablo’s boat” Susanna said.

“You think eloping in a small rowing boat with all my luggage is any more sensible? That’s no better than Sir Brad and his Boris bike last month. Sometimes, I wonder if there is any brain between those two sticky out ears of yours. You know FiFi gets travel sick.”

The Princess began to text rapidly.

“I’ve told him I’ve a headache and he’ll have to arrange more suitable transport. I suggested a Porsche. Susanna unpack!”

“Not as romantic.” Susanna muttered as she began the unpacking, again.